World Mysteries

The Egyptian pyramids, the origin of life...These are things we don't completely understand. Lately I've been confused about some things myself. More modern things. Conundrums that other people seem to make sense of. I've decided to start a list, because you know I like me some lists. While reading, please do realize that I am not trying to be a smart ass; I honestly just don't get it. So if you do, enlighten me. Have pity on a little old lady.

1) The Food Network
Hey, the Food Network is great. We all like pretty colors and things. And we all love food. But I like eating food, not watching it. And if I'm not getting to eat it later, I don't see the point in watching it being made. Although I do admit that you get new cooking ideas from watching cooking shows. But I don't cook. So maybe that explains the mystery. Hrm.

2) Decaf
Okay, unless you are four and have a bedtime of seven, why would you drink decaf coffee or soda? Isn't caffeine the main reason why people drink coffee or soda? I can think of a million more interesting drinks to have if I didn't want caffeine. Watermelon smoothie? Vitamin water? Vanilla Frappucchino? That's like smoking de-nicotined cigarettes. Or de-alcoholized beer. Doesn't make sense.

3) Twitter
Maybe I am a bit ignorant here because I do not understand fully how this Twitter nonsense works. You get an account, then you post what you are doing, and all your friends get the message on their pages or cell phones, right? If that is correct, let me tell you the real reason Twitter is popular, kids.
Celebrities, namely one Ashton Kutcher, was a pioneer in the Twitter popularization. Other celebrities followed suit. Then of course, all their fans followed, because how cool is it to get texts from Britney Spears??? Meanwhile celebrities realized they found a channel of communication not yet infiltrated by junk. Unlike our phone calls or e-mails, all our texts are pretty much from our friends and family and not from telemarketers. We don't have spam filters for our texts. So we read them. Voila, a revolutionary vehicle for mass marketing. So celebs (or their publicists) sort of have what marketers get a 'captive audience' to advertise their new clothing lines, albums and what have you. And the best parts is...it's FREE!
Personally, I don't know why I'd want all my friends to know what I was doing all the time. And I don't think they would be interested, either. Celebrities are the only ones with egos big enough to write about themselves all day long. Again, I may be totally off on this, so educate me if I am wrong!

4) Madonna
Forgive me, if you are a Madonna fan, but could you explain to me why she is famous? I mean not regular famous, but uber, uber famous. Let's face it. Madonna ain't no Whitney Houston. She wouldn't even make it to Hollywood on American Idol. I don't know if she writes her own music, but even if she did, she's no Paul McCartney. Sure, she can dance some, but so can this guy. Is she hot? Um, more like horrifying. And if you are curious if she can act, I dare you to watch this. Please realize that it will be two hours of you life you won't get back. But, you might say, she's a trendsetter! But even in that department, she's no longer on top of her game. She wasn't the first to accessorize an African baby or convert to an exotic religion, after all. So what is it? Did she cure cancer or something? Win the Nobel Prize? Do tell, because I'm baffled.

Okay, that's all I can think of right now. I really should be studying.